The Name Inspector has recently learned about Lard Butt, a new athletic apparel company based here in Seattle. This is a great example of naming done right.

First, there are the positive associations of lard, a filling and economical ingredient that makes fried foods taste great. The word lard also calls to mind larder, which means a supply of food or a place where food is stored. Having beans in the larder is almost better than having money in the bank, so everyone should respond positively to this association.

Then there are the many pleasant ideas and feelings evoked by the word butt. You can be the butt of a joke, which lends a mirthful quality to this name. There’s also the cigarette butt, a tangible symbol of a smoker’s satisfied craving. And of course butt means ass, bottom, rump, derriere–a crucial body part we all use and admire every day. To paraphrase Sir Mix-a-Lot, we all like butts–we cannot lie.

The words lard and butt together evoke a sense of homeyness, stability, security–even meditative stillness.

So kudos to Mark, Brent, Eric, David, and Dave. Let’s hope Lard Butt goes far. Or at least, as far as it feels like going.

So crowded is the space of names, however, that people have been forced into three-meaningful-part territory. The first example that springs to mind is MyBlogLog, the source of that widget at the bottom of The Name Inspector’s sidebar. (By the way, if you’re a MyBlogLog user, you’re hereby invited to join The Name Inspector’s community.) If you shortened this name to MyBlog or BlogLog, you’d have something that fits a common naming pattern: MyBlog is like MySpace or YouTube, and BlogLog is like SmugMug or TagJag. With MyBlogLog, however, there’s kind of a lot going on. Technically it’s a phrase name, but the way it’s written, without any spaces, is an invitation to pronounce it as a single word. And that’s kind of kind of tricky. Which syllable do you emphasize? If you pronounce the name as a phrase, you probably emphasize both my and blog. If you pronounce the name as a single word, you probably de-emphasize either my or blog. But the result sounds kind of hurried and squished together, doesn’t it?

One of the clunkiest three-part names The Name Inspector has encountered recently is Side Job Track. Again, just Side Job or Job Track would be a very normal-sounding name (well, Side Job sounds vaguely lewd to those of us whose minds wander in that direction). But Side Job Track? With this name the natural phrasal pronunciation is not even available. You have to break it down as a compound that contains a compound–most likely side job + track. If you go with this analysis, you emphasize Side, kind of mumble out Job, and may or may not place any emphasis on Track. It just doesn’t flow.

Matters are complicated further by the fact that track can be a noun or a verb. It’s most natural to interpret the last word of a multi-word name as a noun, but if you do that you make a confusing connection to the phrase job track (like career track), which isn’t as clearly relevant as the idea of tracking side jobs. So this name is kind of a jumble.

That’s not to say Side Job Track isn’t a great service. The Name Inspector has been using it to keep track of billable hours and do invoices for consulting jobs, and while there are a few kinks to work out, it has a really nice set of features. Check it out.

While he’s on this topic, The Name Inspector must give a nod of grudging respect to Bare Escentuals, the San Francisco-based cosmetics company. Here’s a pun name with four meaningful parts (not including the morphological breakdown of essentials) that actually kind of flows. Built on the phrase bare essentials, it pulls off a double pun, tweaking essentials so that it evokes both the words scent and sensual. In the Olympic sport of naming, this one gets a good but not great score for artistry and extremely high marks for difficulty.

Tags: MyBlogLog, the name MyBlogLog, blog community, Side Job Track, the name Side Job Track, invoicing, Bare Escentuals, the name Bare Escentuals, double puns, cosmetics

Have you noticed that your local Kinko’s has become FedEx Kinko’s?

Kinko’s is known for having a laid-back corporate culture. Maybe a little too laid back. The Name Inspector once went to a 24-hour Kinko’s in Manhattan, and there was no one there. Not only were there no other customers, but there were no employees, either. The doors were open, the lights were on, the copy machines were humming, but nobody was home.

So The Name Inspector saw FedEx Kinko’s as a promising development. Those people at FedEx have to be on top of things. You know, when it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight and all that. The Name Inspector pictured someone with the quasi-military efficiency coming in and whipping things into shape, like Tom Hanks in that terrible stranded-on-a-desert-island movie (early in the movie, when he was a FedEx exec–not later, when he was a crazy hairy guy talking to a volleyball).

Despite the differences in corporate culture, FedEx and Kinko’s are a natural match. For The Name Inspector at least, both places inspire a combination of love and queasy dread. Love because both places provide important services when you really, really need them. Dread because both places are associated with impending deadlines and procrastination.

Suppose you’ve traveled to a strange city–oh, say, Houston–to make a presentation, and you’ve misplaced your handout. OK, suppose you didn’t finish the handout before you left home. You need to find a place to print it out and make copies. Suppose it’s very late at night. When you find a twenty-four hour Kinko’s, your heart soars, because you know that everything will be alright. Love.

But then you actually go to the Kinko’s and start doing what needs to be done. It takes longer than you expected, because two copy machines are jammed, the other one is low on toner, and there’s nary a Kinko’s employee in sight. It’s getting later and later. Dread.

No doubt the reader can imagine stories about FedEx that, while different in their particulars, have a similar emotional resonance.

Despite their association with dread, FedEx and Kinko’s are a couple of iconic names. Understandably, the big cheeses of the new hybrid company could not part with the brand equity of either name. So they went for the easiest option–the only option, really: they stuck the two names together. The result is a monstrosity of a name that would never make it in the biz if its parents weren’t celebrities.

Might they have gone with a blend? Well, Finko’s, KinkEx, and Fedinko’s are definitely memorable names, but those stodgy corporate types might have felt these options failed to project the appropriate image. On the other hand, they’re really no less dignified than Kinko’s–just less familiar. Kinko was, apparently, the nickname of the curly-haired founder, just in case you’re wondering where that gem came from.

Is the name FedEx Kinko’s a compound? No. A compound is made of two words but pronounced as one word. More specifically, it has the intonational properties of one word–most notably, only one of its syllables carries primary stress. In the name FedEx Kinko’s, both parts–FedEx and Kinko’s–have syllables that get full word-worthy stress. The first syllable of Kinko’s is emphasized a little more than the first syllable of FedEx, but that has to do with the phrasal status of this name.

The first part of this name, FedEx, is already a compound. Or rather, it’s what we at the old naming company used to call a clipped compound, or a clipcom, to use a term that demonstrates what it describes. A clipcom takes the first part of each of two words and sticks them together.

Did you know that the word taxicab comes from the words taximeter and cabriolet? That’s another clipcom.

Putting the clipcom FedEx in front of the name Kinko’s makes for a real mouthful. The pronunciation is awkward, especially with the x right in front of the k. Besides, the whole thing just feels wrong. It resembles a company name modifying a brand name, like Apple Macintosh or Oxo Good Grips, or a brand name modifying a generic term, like Northwest Airlines, but its meaning doesn’t seem to fit either of these familiar patterns.

But what are you gonna do? They had no choice, really. When you walk past your local copy store, you can still look up and see the familiar Kinko’s name. Now you just see FedEx right there with it, riding its ass and keeping it in line. And, of course, offering shipping services.

Tags: fedex kinko’s, the name fedex kinko’s, fedex, kinko’s, finko’s, kinkex, fedinko’s, company name, business name, frankenbrand, volleyball